DEALING WITH DOUBLE TROUBLE: Holidays in the Time of COVID-19
Dr. Linda Miles
The stresses of Covid19 are many: job loss or insecurity, homeschooling, financial strain, the restriction of outside activities and normal life, the seclusion from loved ones, and the fear of contracting (or worse, actually contracting) the virus. All these have weighed on us for many months, straining relationships between couples and families. According to Legal Templates service, requests for legal divorce documents increased by 34% merely between March and June of 2020 as compared to the same timeframe in 2019.(1) Anxiety, too, has reached an all-time high this year; Google searches on topics related to anxiety have jumped 52% during the pandemic.(2)
The holidays will be challenging this year.
So how do we deal with the challenges of the coronavirus during the holiday season when the number of cases has spiked so drastically across the nation? How can families remain safe and still find comfort in celebrating holiday traditions? Covid does not mean the end of Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, and other winter holidays and festivities.
There are ways we can celebrate and give thanks that include conscientiousness and caution. Masks should be worn whenever going outside, hands need to be washed often, and gatherings need to be kept small. According to scientists, by next Thanksgiving, we should be able to have our usual huge gatherings of relatives and friends—that gives us something special to look forward to. The absence of many normal traditions this year can make us more appreciative of things we used to take for granted.
It is said that there is an Oriental character for crisis that is a combination of the word danger and opportunity. This year brings unique opportunities to practice strategies such as mindfulness to stay internally calm despite external stressors. Mindfulness is a science-based practice that encourages us to breathe deeply and focus on the present moment.
Currently, I am working with a family composed of two working-from-home parents who are raising their three young children. We have made plans for them to have virtual gatherings and create new traditions for the kids using art and creativity. In addition, they are planning some dates at safe venues, such as at outdoor restaurants or visits to nature preserves and parks. I gave the couple a guide for mindfulness practices to tame their inner storms, which has proven to diminish their verbal attacks on one another or the children.
Here are a handful of mindfulness practices that can help families share special moments during the holidays amid today’s unprecedented challenges:
1. Choose now. By mindfully living in the present, you can make the conscious decision to focus your resources and time on positive emotions of joy, appreciation, and healing. This does not mean that you’re denying the reality of inconveniences or suffering that may affect you, your family, or your community. Instead, it means that you actively choose to find moments during the day to share and partake in kindness, gratitude, and joy.
2. Practice the art of rejoicing. Eric Kandel, a recipient of the Nobel Prize for Medicine, notes that the ability to rejoice is not something that we are born with or without; it’s something that can and should be cultivated constantly. He has observed that we can train our brains to resist harmful gut reactions and strengthen our ability to focus on positive aspects and feelings that serve us and those around us.
3. Visualize healing. When you feel overwhelmed by the negative emotions surrounding the coronavirus or any other anxiety-producing event, practice mindfulness techniques to evoke calmness and healing. Imagine that you inhale sparks of goodness and healing, and that you breathe out some of that light and healing to others. When you notice tension building up in your body, breathe deeply and fill your body with clean air and thoughts. Envision a healing light that penetrates your muscles and soothes them.
MINDFUL REMINDERS:
● Accept reality. It does not help to deny what is happening. Focus, however, on the things you have control over.
● Remember that every challenge is an opportunity in disguise. The challenge of the coronavirus is an opportunity to become better instead of bitter. Take it one day at a time. You do not know the future. Give your best today. Use this situation as an experiment in staying in the present moment.
● The challenge of the coronavirus is also an opportunity to become better and to help others. When we help others, we feel better ourselves.
● Wasteful worrying will not change the present or future. Now is a good time to practice choosing peace of mind instead of fear. Life feels different if your heart is not obstructed by fear.
● Realize that gratitude and expressions of appreciation are not just for good times; gratitude is cathartic and healing in troublesome times.
● You cannot avoid suffering, but you can intentionally look for joy amidst suffering. Joseph Campbell said that one of the most important lessons is to "find joy amidst suffering." Emotions are contagious, so ignite your own inner light.
● Mindful breathing always helps. Inhale and think the word "Be"; think the word "Calm" as you exhale.
● Notice the stories you tell yourself about what might happen, and realize that those are only stories.
● Anne Frank said: "Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy." Joy does not imply never-ending happiness.
With compassion, patience, and mindfulness, we will continue to celebrate life and one another despite all the challenges we face. In such uncertain times, it’s imperative to listen to the experts and follow their instructions to ensure that we emerge safe, healthy, and alive—with our loved ones just as intact. Above all, it’s important to face uncertainty and fear with the only thing that’s guaranteed to make today and tomorrow better: loving-kindness toward ourselves, our loved ones, and society as a whole.
Dr. Linda Miles is a psychotherapist and the author of the Change Your Story, Change Your Brain series. www.drlindamiles.com
Dr. Linda Miles has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and has worked as a psychotherapist for 35 years. Her first book, The New Marriage, written with her husband, Robert Miles, M.D., won a literary prize as a finalist for Forward Non-fiction Book of the Year. She has published several books on relationships and mindfulness, as well as articles in the Wall Street Journal, Boston Globe, Reuters, and Miami Herald. She has been a guest expert on numerous national TV shows including CNN, Fox News, ABC, and NBC. Her most recent book on mindfulness is entitled Change Your Story, Change Your Brain for Better Relationships. All of her Dr. Miles’ books are available on Amazon in both paperback and e-book format.
(1) https://legaltemplates.net/resources/personal-family/divorce-rates-covid-19/
(2) https://www.psypost.org/2020/11/google-searches-related-to-anxiety-attacks-jumped-up-to-52-during-the-pandemic-study-finds-58563